Now as some of you guys will have noticed… I’m a massive fan of the Westside Connection’s debut album “Bow Down.” I fell in love with it way back in college when my friend stole a copy from HMV (this was before people stole music from the internet). For those ...
By JpMunroe aka yourmumgotfishslappedandIdidit
Arguably the best gangster rap album, ever, comes to a crescendo with the gem of a track 'the gangster, the killer and the dope dealer'. The beat, a genius loop of the chorus of Nine Inch Nails' 'Hurt', brings to mind the scene of a secret midnight ...
“Only eat what your body requires, and don’t become carried away with foods that don’t benefit you.” – BRUCE LEE
“If you still have a slight sensation of hunger after a meal – you have eaten well. If you feel full – you have poisoned yourself.” – Hippocrates of Cos
“We should ...
Are you sick of being pushed around and bullied by hostile, violent, chemically imbalanced, muscle-bound pricks? If the answer is yes... then you’ve come to the right place. Below are some tips and tricks that I've picked up over the years. Give them a shot next time you’re involved in ...
In the term “martial arts” the meaning of “martial” is “warlike,” so what better place to gain some top-notch war strategies than Sun Tzu’s timeless classic “The Art of War.” In my opinion, probably one of the greatest pieces of literature ever written on the subject. Anyway, I decided to ...
Fight club has to be one of my favourite films of all time. I remember watching this when I was a teenager and not really getting it. It's only now that I've "grown up" (by the way, I use that term loosely) that I now understand what Tyler Durden was ...
So let me talk to you, c’mon I’ll take you shopping dude.
Observe the hook and learn to cook some proper food.
Rice and vegetables, dishes that you never seen before.
When you’re eating all your meals out of some convenient store.
Most kids today raised on potato chips and tang.
And wonder why they ...
"Bitch, get your mind right and get out my limelight" - Snoop Dogg
Are you dealing with the aftermath of a painful break-up? Do you feel like your life is in total turmoil and that's there's just no point in living? Well, it's time to say goodbye to all those negative ...
During my lifetime I've come across many religions, belief systems, and various spiritual teachings. Now I reckon that they've all got something to offer... however at the same time... I don't feel that any of them has all the answers. Think about it... why do you follow a certain belief? ...
Check out the celebrity testimonials below to find out just why Martial Arts Alchemist has become all the rage in Hollywood.
I wish I had a resource like Martial Arts Alchemist when I was coming up. Trust me... if I were still alive and knew how to use a computer... I would definitely bookmark this page.
Bruce lee (martial artist/actor)
Thanks to the information on this site I recently defeated five armed robbers, blindfolded, using only my left hand, balancing on one leg, while reciting the lyrics to "Paparazzi."
Lady Gaga (singer/hermaphrodite/fashion disaster)
After reading all the articles on Martial Arts Alchemist I decided to travel to the Henan province of China and challenge the head abbot of the Shaolin temple. Needless to say, I kicked his ass with the utmost of ease. My performance was so impressive that the rest of the monks decided to appoint me as the new head abbot of the monastery. The only downside is I’ve got to shave off my beautiful curly locks and refrain from any sexual activity for the remainder of my life. Still, it’s all good... cause I get a lifetime supply of cool yellow and orange robes. Once again, thank you Martial Arts Alchemist.
John C. Reilly (actor/Shaolin abbot)
I recently discovered Martial Arts Alchemist two days ago and, thanks to you, I’m already able to dodge bullets, fly, and throw fireballs from my bare hands. Too bad I didn’t discover this site before I made that shitty movie Hancock. Would have saved the special effects team a shit load of time and money. I am currently up for consideration to play the role of Neo’s father in the new upcoming Matrix movie.
Will Smith (actor/Fresh prince of Bel-air)
Martial Arts Alchemist has totally changed my life. After discovering this site I massacred my entire family, including my pet dog, cat, and goldfish. I’m currently sat in a dingy prison cell awaiting a decision on my appeal against death row. I wish I never stumbled upon your site. Drop dead!
Lindsay Lohan (actress/cokehead/freckled freak)
This site is the main reason why I was able to defeat Royler Gracie in the 2003 Abu Dhabi world championships. If it wasn’t for Martial Arts Alchemist the Twister and Rubber guard wouldn’t even exist. Plus, they also taught me how to roll a perfect blunt.
Eddie Bravo (Jiu-jitsu genius/musician/pothead)
You’re a young man and you’re very knowledgeable, but you really don’t know. You haven’t been in the cooking pot. You’re just a guy that has a lot of knowledge and can’t wait to show everyone how intelligent you are, but you never really been in the grind. Once you’ve been in the grind your knowledge and wisdom goes to an entirely different level. Then it goes to knowledge from your experience and knowing that the system is predictable and what it is capable of doing.
Mike Tyson (boxer/enigma/modern day prophet)
Thanks to Martial Arts Alchemist I no longer harbour any hatred or ill will towards minority groups or women. Also, thank you for curing me of my alcholism. So far I've been clean from booze for nearly 5 minutes. I can't thank you enough for all that you've done. Anyway, I'm off to gas some jews, lynch some black folks, and then... if I've got time... choke out my wife and newborn. Peace!
Mel Gibson (racist/misogynist/maniac)
Martial Arts Alchemist has provided me with the necessary tools required in order to defeat the Thundercats and gain possession of the legendary Sword of Omens. After attending their 3 day seminar my knowledge of the Martials Arts and pimp game has improved dramatically.
As I type this, I am currently one of the biggest pimps on Third Earth. Right now I've got hoes such as; Cheetara, Willa and her younger sister Nayda on the payroll. I'm looking to expand even further and put the entire Warrior Maidens on the game by next year.
My 5 year gameplan is to pimp out the entire Tree-top kingdom and establish a brothel within castle Plun-Darr. Once again, thank you for all the great coaching and advice. I definitely wouldn't be were I am without you (oh... and let's not forget... the ancient spirits of evil. Gotta give a shout out to those niggaz too).
P.s. wherever evil exists... so too will Mumm-ra! Westside bitches!
Mumm-ra (everliving evil high priest)
Martial Arts Alchemist is 100 times funnier than Carlos Mencia. In fact, I would even go as far as to say that Martial Arts Alchemist is greater than Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor and Dave Chappelle combined... and this has nothing to do with the fact that The Alchemist is standing over my bleeding body with a steel baseball bat.
Before I get sued for everything I’m worth by all of those celebrities I've just name-dropped – I think I better mention that none of them (with the exception of Mike Tyson and Mumm-ra) actually said any of those outlandish things. It was merely just an elaborate ploy to see how far you guys would keep reading. By the way, if you’re still reading this then you truly are a gullible person. I bet you’re probably the kind of person who still believes in the tooth fairy or that Milli Vanilli write and sing all their own songs (no disrespect to Milli Vanilli – they were dope and totally deserved that Grammy).
These are my personal views, which may be fact or fiction. By entering and viewing this site you agree that you will not hold the creator, ISP, or any affiliated entity responsible for the following; injuries, paralysis, death, property damage, mental distress, suicidal/homicidal tendencies or anything else you may be thinking of suing me for. By entering this site you agree upon these terms and conditions. All rights reserved by Martial Arts Alchemist. And if you don’t like it you can suck it!
"I learnt more in one week from Martial Arts Alchemist than I ever did during the three years I spent training under the legendary Cus D'amato. What can I say... Martial Arts Alchemist is the real deal!" - MIKE TYSON